Our New Soda Siphon: Or, How To Assuage Your Yuppie Guilt

I'll be the first to admit that fate has dealt me a pretty great hand in life. I have a job that I like, attractive friends, low cholesterol, good teeth, a big warm bed to sleep in at night, a mother who spoils me, and a Viking of my very own.

This good fortune leads to a tremendous amount of Yuppie Guilt. Guilt about things like not giving change to Salvation Army Santas, being secretly resentful at having to participate in corporate community service outings, never once texting “HAITI” to 90999, and failing to donate to local food drives because canned goods are really heavy to lug about. I know that I don’t do nearly enough good in the world, that that probably makes me a wicked and ungrateful person, and that if God exists I am really going to be screwed for judgment day.

One of my greatest sources of Yuppie Guilt has to do with my stewardship of the planet...or lack thereof. Specifically, about my trash.

The Viking and I generate an enormous amount of garbage, due in part to the fact that we treat bottled water like we’re living in Nicaragua instead of New York. We use it to do everything except wash dishes and brush our teeth. I drink a lot of sparkling water in particular, and recently my San Pellegrino habit had gotten to the point where I was going through a case of the heavy glass liter bottles every other week. Add to that beer and wine consumption, and there was perpetually a small mountain of empty bottles piled inside the recycling bin.

Well, something plainly needed to be done. Buying a Brita pitcher was an easy fix for cutting down on bottled still water, but I wanted to go further. I wanted to stop buying sparkling too (I know. I know. My courage is an inspiration.). So I purchased a soda siphon.

The soda siphon: in addition to being an indispensable prop in classic physical comedy routines (see Marx Brothers, Three Stooges), a soda siphon is the old-fashioned way of making sparkling water out of still water + a CO2 cartridge. The one I bought cost $47.50 on Amazon.com, and while its space-age design lacks any charm/vintage appeal, it gets the job done.

I've given it a few weeks of regular use, and can report back that I highly recommend that you buy one. Sure, it takes a little more effort than just twisting off a bottle cap, but the benefits more than make up for it. The quality of the water is every bit as good as Perrier or Pellegrino, but without the nasty environmental impact. And if you buy the CO2 chargers in bulk, the costs works out to about 50 cents per bottle -- so less than half of what it costs to buy even cheap seltzer water in the grocery store.

Using a soda siphon also allows you to add all types of exciting things into your sparkling water -- Italian soda syrups, lemon, lime. You can carbonate OJ or apple juice. You could even carbonate milk if you wanted to! Although, maybe don't try that.

Perhaps best part of the soda siphon is the Mad Men-esque romance it lends to even the simple act of pouring a glass of sparkling water, and especially when making an actual cocktail. The first thing I did after fizzing my first bottle of water was make myself a scotch and soda, temporarily forgetting that I think scotch tastes like gym socks.

It took me a few tries to get the process right, so here are a few tips. Let me stress that the water needs to be cold and filtered going in (low temperature = fizzier water; filter it because if it tastes like tap water going in, it will taste like tap water coming out). Oh yeah, and make sure not to fill the siphon too full with water, or when you discharge the CO2 into it you’ll end up spraying water everywhere, like on some important-looking papers lying on the coffee table and all over your copy of the Bouchon cookbook that you've worked hard to keep clean. For example.

Without further ado:

1. Fill the siphon with cold, filtered water until it is 5” – 6” from top (you’ll be leaving some space in the bottle for the C02).















2. Insert tube.

















3. Screw lid on tight.

















4. Insert CO2 canister into sleeve, then screw sleeve into CO2 valve; CO2 canister will empty fully into siphon.
















5. Unscrew CO2 canister and discard; screw cap onto valve.

















6. Shake siphon vigorously at least five times.

















7. Dispense sparkling water in a gentle stream; keep siphon stored in refrigerator for maximum carbonation.
















On Saturday I went through five siphons full of seltzer making Fizzy Lizzies (an excellent vodka cocktail for which I’ll give you the recipe soon, if you are very good), and had only a handful of empty cartridges to show for it -- empty cartridges, and a smug expression that said, "I care deeply about the environment...in the chicest way possible."